October 01, 2002 @ 3:29 pm
i am really fucking tired.

i am fucking exhausted.

my inbox is lonely. and empty. and i hope i hear from jenn today... i miss her voice...

i can't stand these keyboards though. ugh.

hey, you guys, i want you to tell me if this site doesn't look good on your computer. that's me "showing off" so to speak... and i want to know if it looks good.

mike.... have you been on this site? (i checked the sitemeter this morning, and there was a visit from mcshi.com when i know i was passed out in bed.) i know we live together, and this site is on the history all the time. but please, respect some sort of privacy i have with this... i know i know. it's on the internet. it's public. but it's not really for anyone else, i know people read it, but it's for me. mine. mine mine mine. (i know. i need to grow up.)its just easier for me to type all this out and have it online than anything else, like a paper diary. the last one i had of those was destroyed, and i lost four or five months' worth of writing, and i don't want to do that again. please mike, if you have been on this site, please don't come back. this is my diary, and where i write my own personal thoughts.

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October 01, 2002 @ 2:48 am
is it really october already?

it really doesn't feel like twofortyeight. and is it really october? [sigh] time is going much too fast.

mhs homecoming is october eleventh... and the dance is the twelfth. i promised mike i would go with him, though i can't figure out what to wear. yes, these are dates now, so to speak. he has waited so long for me, and i always promised myself that if i broke up with geoff, i would give mike a chance. so i am giving him a chance.

time is going by so fast, i feel left behind.

i'm covered in paint... i'm even picking it out of my hair (i'm not at all sure how that happened.)

tomorrow i've got a class (astronomy) at augustana. (big expensive private university in rock island. they've got an observatory. :) heh)

i feel really sick... i guess i'm gonna go throw up or something and get back to work...

go listen to pedro the lion. :) (((god bless the indian summer.))) thank you joe for the introduction.

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October 01, 2002 @ 2:46 am
letter to jennbear

babe i am sooo sorry i missed you calls tonight. you see last night i pulled an all night wo work on this huge art project that's due on wednesday... and i totally passed out after i got home from the high school (yes, i was there, i just couldn't saty because mike's mom and mike and omega and shannon were all waiting for me(but i'm staying late on wednesday after school to do some glazing etc)... and to top all that off, the phone was in my purse, and still on silent from being in class... it sounds like a bunch of excuses i know, but it's all true, it's about midnight and i just woke up. (i figured this is a little late to be calling you back..:-...) i'm making mac and cheese. yum. but anyways... i miss you. a lot. and if you want, you can try to call anywhere from three to five tomorrow (if im not mistaken, you don't have class til six) if not i won't be reachable til after ten, i've got a class up at augie tomorrow...

are you going to homecoming? (lol) mike has asked me to go, but we don't know if we're going to have enough money... i can't figure out what to wear... :-P

i'm getting really lazy when it comes to dressing myself in the morning... you know, like not bothering to wear a bra... (bad idea lol)

[sigh] i need to get going on this project, i've got tonight and tomorrow night, and that's it... [sigh] i'm so dumb. i procrastinate too much. but this isn't procrasinating, because i needed to write to you and tell you that i miss you, and i love you dearly, and... and.. i hope mike gives this to you!

i miss you. sooooo fucking much. but i need to get going... and i hope i hear from you tomorrow night (well, tonight, as you're reading this...)

i love you baby. with all of my heart.

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