worthless. drinking makes me feel better. and the pills help me sleep. and right now, i'd rather sleep forever than wake up tomorrow and face daylight.
i am just a worthless liar. i am just an imbecile. i will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well. i will find a center in you. i will chew it up and leave. trust me. trust me. trust me. trust me.
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October 07, 2002 @ 12:50 pm
my words are still ugly.
the words are still ugly though. nothing's going to change that.
(i was working with wire in my art class today. my hands and fingers are covered in cuts. and now i have an excuse. it makes me feel better. i swear.)
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October 07, 2002 @ 8:08 am
just a stain.
it's just a stain.
i know what i did. maybe it hasn't sunk in yet, the magnitude of what i have done. but in a moment of stupid clarity, tears sprang from my eyes. my poor, tired, aching eyes, unable to close to let me dream my horrible dreams, they burn. they burn by the brightness of this white, my black words burned into my retinas.
i'm just a stain.
in my drunken stupor tonight, i confessed to geoff what i did. i'm such a slut. i deserve everything you guys think of me. i want you all to tell me what you think. i'm fucking weak, i'm sick. i'm demented. a stain on society. a drain on all those around me.
i'm just a stain.
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October 07, 2002 @ 2:11 am
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
(you have no idea what i just did. no. i'm not ok.)
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