bright eyes--soon you will be leaving your man. He always gets so mad things you laugh at. "Don't get so worked up." you'd say. but on the back deck you admit that you haven't felt much like laughing lately anyway. And so I say, "that could change." I noticed how you waste no time making your way across the room. You leave a wake of tongues still waving after you. And it isn't no coincidence where you finally choose to stand. I guess soon you will be leaving your man. It's a sweet smile and then a denial. Hey, you are just trying to be nice. But there is a meaning to every fleeting action you unconsciously decide. The clocks they chime. Now it's time. I know you try and play it cool but there are some thoughts you just can't hide. Only in your closest friends do you confide. The way you say you'll be seeing me, oh like it's so offhand. I guess soon you will be leaving your man. You stare at me so boldly now. You have no lack of confidence. It's just those lessons on sublety you missed. I know you dream of saving me like I'm some plane that you couls land. But when you fly you'll be leaving your man.
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September 15, 2002 @ 10:29 pm
"days of our lives" eat your fucking heart out.
you'll never understand.
(((I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest. I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.)))
i need a road trip, i need an escape.
i'm sorry for being a liar.
(((And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands. And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry's end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray.)))
i'm sorry for being too curious, and taking it too far, and i'm sorry for kissing you so very long ago because it never would have happened if i hadn't gone to meet you and (i would be something happier now. i think.
or would i have been as miserable, smoking pot and drinking myself into oblivion. or have i just regressed. am i just alone in my stupidity?
i feel wrong, i fell in love all wrong. it's not the way it's supposed to happen.
(and i think it's quite interesting that you've taken me off your buddylist, but you're on my site all the time. i can check those things you know.)
and i guess i lied about leaving too. i can't leave this place, i'm addicted to writing, even if it isn't good.
and i'm sorry for being a liar.
(unrelated lyrics. i am just a worthless liar. i am just an imbecile. i will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.)
and again start the "woe is me" entries. because i feel alone, and all of you will be reminded of that. again and again. because i'm just like that.
(you see, i will work to elevate you. just enough to bring you down.)
fucking melodrama at its finest, "days of our lives" eat your fucking heart out.
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September 15, 2002 @ 12:05 am
i'm not saying anything important. so you really don't have to read this.
lyrics because i have nothing better to say.
(((Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes? Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you. Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much? Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes. Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor? For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won?t ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally. I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death. In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest. I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her. She had eyes bright enough to burn me. They reminded me of yours. In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed. And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands. And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry?s end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray. Well the clock?s heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself but I will not weep for those dying days. For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed. And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.)))
ps i'm beginning to doubt my writing.
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