September 19, 2002 @ 4:24 pm
bored as all hell.

wheee. talking on aim express in a big computer lab and no music. no music makes me sad.

i'm a spaz, and i'm trying to pretend that i'm not upset, and i'm trying to pretend that i'm happy as can be.

ravenseraphina, if you guys are interested. aim that is.

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September 19, 2002 @ 3:36 pm
the x-acto knife that never leaves my side.

i'm sick of the back and forth. sometimes you're a complete asshole. sometimes you're a real sweetheart. and sometimes it almost seems like you still care. make up your mind, i can't stand this anymore. we can't carry on a normal conversation.

i'm cold and i miss your arms around me. i miss the way i felt when you held me, when you laid behind me and your arms were tight around my middle, when i could feel your warmth all around me, all throughout me.

*sigh.*

i hate feeling like this. hatehatehate it.

i miss... a lot about you. i feel like something is missing. something major. like some large piece of me has been taken out of me. an engulfing emptiness that does not cease, does not let up, does not break. i cant even think of things to write anymore. a general hopelessness. i just want to scream. right here in the middle of this archaeology test. writing it down won't do it justice.

i've been eyes the x-acto knife in my purse. it never leaves my side. now seems like a better time, more and more.

(completely unrelated. i'm fucking hungry. i don't have any money. well, i do, it's just that's what has to get me home tonight. *sigh* it seems like everyone's life is going down the shitter. breaking up, getting kicked out, being poor, etc. etc. why all of this now? i'm tired. i'm tired of living like this. i fucking hate this. i feel like crying.

oh well. time to... go. or something.

i get to spend tonight getting all my stuff together, boxing up my art and all my clothes.. and hoping i have a place to stay tomorrow night. ugh.

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September 19, 2002 @ 1:43 pm
yet another failure.

i won't be home til late tonight. and i don't think i'll be online at all, because i have to pack up my stuff tonight. that's right, i will most likely be offcially homeless after tomorrow.

i'm not looking forward to this.

so, this may be one of my last posts, unless of course i'm here at school. that is, if i can afford to keep going here.

with my luck, i won't be able to stay here in college, and that will be yet another failure on my record.

i'm late to archaeology again. and i'm fucking hungry, like you wouldn't believe. ugh.

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September 19, 2002 @ 11:46 am
feeling sick, again. (are we surprised?)

well. i just skipped my first class and slept inthe cafeteria... and it is fucking COLD in here.

[sigh]

i am feeling really sick again. not sick lick throwing up sick, just exhausted sick, like i'm tired all the time and i can't keep myself in the realm of consciousness during class. or anything for that matter. [yawns again]

listening to jimmy eat world right now, because the cd with all my good bright eyes is at home, and i haven't gotten a chance to burn my death cab for cutie or sleater kinney.

i need to get a job, they're hiring at dick blick of all places, and trust me if i got that job i would be VERY happy. (of course, if i can't get there, i'll have a problem... [sigh] i really hate being poor.)

i don't have a car, and after tomorrow, i'm not going to have a place to live. i think my mom even sold my bike. i don't have money for the bus... in fact i have $1.91 for the rest of the week...(bus rides are $.80 each way.. i have three bus rides left today and tomorrow..)so it looks like i'm not going to be eating til i can ask my mom for MORE money...

my little brother helped paul move in to my old house last weekend. for good. which means i can't go back there. what fucking timing. it looks like it's going to be a couple nights here and there, and then i'm gonna end up sleeping in the parks til it gets too cold for that. and then after that, i guess i go over to davenport to the homeless shelter.

i don't really know what else to do.

i've got class in about ten minutes, i should probably head over... [sigh]

i'll write later, if i get a chance.

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September 19, 2002 @ 8:12 am
you poor stupid homeless emo kid, get a fucking life

i need to get a fucking life.

all i do is post angsty, emo song lyrics and hope that someone else will understand the obscure meaning behind it.

speaking of emo. i went and downloaded some death cab for cutie. and sleater kinney. (look for lyrics soon.)

i have no batteries for my cd player, and no money for the bus. oooooooooooh. i hate being poor.

oh yea. and after tomorrow, i'm also homeless. >_< fuck.

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September 19, 2002 @ 12:13 am
sleep to dream

i got my feet on the ground and i don't go to sleep to dream
you got your head in the clouds and you're not all what you seem
this mind, this body, and this voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways
so don't forget what i told you, don't come around, i got my own hell to raise.

((oh yes. i don't sleep to dream.))

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